Recently I spent an entire day reaffirming myself, my sense of purpose and my personal goals for prosperity all in the company of a very powerful sisterhood. Our gathering was extraordinary in its depth of knowledge, passion, and reverence for the ancestors and for its respect for current sisterhood. As much as I write about the importance of having your grrrls and repping for women’s issues, I, theHotness Grrrl had even forgotten how good just a simple hug of encouragement from a sister you don’t know can make you feel. In NYC, like every other metropolis city I have ever worked or lived in, there is almost a cut-throat competitiveness amongst women, and the competition is that much fiercer between women of color, specifically Black grrrls. Whether you’re looking for a job, a husband or even a fly pair of shoes, so often I am confronted with jealousy, secrecy and a myriad of non-supportive gestures from many Black and Latina women I encounter. And I would be skrate lying if I said that after awhile this didn’t start to harden a sister up like a chewy piece of caramel left out of of its wrapper for too long.
There’s this email my homegrrrl sent to me about 5 years ago and I read it from time to time when I start feeling my edges hardening. She wrote:
What do goddesses do when they get lonely? There are times when my hurt consumes me so much that I can’t even remember the goddess in me. I want to honor her and myself. I want to find my creative healer spirit again and this is my process. I need these answers to help find something really real. Those very still truths found in conversations with your grandmother when she was just cooking, pressing hair or telling you something she knew your butt would need later.
And my response, which I need to heed more often:
Girl everything you need, you already have (read The Alchemist)! Use the time spent alone figuring out what makes you happy instead of dwelling on why you are sad. I’m saying this because I’m just coming out of one of the MOST difficult times of my life. I know about being lonely and waking up sad only after crying myself to sleep. But my lonely alone time has made me so much more independent and mindful and focused. So yeah, I’m still dealing with pangs of sadness and loneliness, but I try to find ways that I can consistently move through that ish. I have this line in one of my rhymes that goes, “That’s what sistas do, we bitches brew when sh*t gets hot…” So what are you gonna start brewing? That’s what you have to ask yourself. Clearly you have the talent, so cry your tears and get it out and then work on you– create, think, rest, and (re-)build your foundation.
Yesterday just reminded me that piecing together that foundation has to begin with me, but that does not mean I must work alone. If there is strength in numbers, (and there is), then certainly there is a lil’ sweet softening in the midst sisterhood.