“I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy.” ~Anais Nin
If life is like a box of chocolates, then why do we get so crazy over gifting and receiving chocolates on Valentine’s Day? Because like Christmas and Easter, Valentine’s Day is yet another marketing scheme developed by the confectionery industry to get our loot by selling the idea that love is connected to gift giving. Unlike Christmas and Easter, Valentine’s Day is not concerned with Jesus, however like both holidays there is a cute sales rep to ease you into spending your hard earned dollars in exchange for feelings of validation, happiness and inclusiveness. Along with Santa and the Easter bunny, we have Cupid in all in his Lil Lord Fauntleroy splendor shooting dopamine spiked arrows and deluding folk into buying hot pink satin thongs and bouquets of red roses to show their boo just how much they are adored.
Valentine’s Day is just another day to me. As far as I am concerned everyday should be Godiva eatin’, champagne sipping siestas of back rubs and poems read, adoration fests of tight embraces and long kisses, and reciprocation revivals of dishwashing, child rearing, and of course lovemaking. I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t define myself or my joy based upon my relationship status. Single, married or booed-up we should all be bold enough to be in love with ourselves. A few years ago I wrote this now infamous and very popular essay about February 14th and LOVE. Please check it out here.
The same day I sent out a blast about my recent post Yelé Haiti, I received a note from a reader who asked if I had seen this? I had not seen the tax papers or even heard the accusations about Wyclef Jean’s non-profit NGO. But as soon as I read it I quickly responded:
Oh no I didn’t …so disappointing. Well I hope he does right now in the face of such horrific disaster. His organization cannot be worse than The Red Cross who has squandered billions post-9/11, Katrina and Tsunami donations. It’s sad to say but at this point, it’s a matter of who and what is the least corrupt.
Whether it was true or not, I thought the timing of Smoking Gun was shady and unfortunate. It smelled like sabotage to me. People are dying under slabs of concrete. Bodies are rotting in the street– bodies that Clef and his wife, Claudinette, helped move and bury. Smoking Gun could not have dug this up last year or in ‘06 when he brought Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to Haiti to show them and, (through the craziness of the paparazzi), the world the plight of Haitian peoples. Now that his organization is raising money, and in fact for the first few days, more money than The Red Cross, they want to scream fraud. If the Smoking Gun or any other entity wants to investigate financial statements, please show me the paperwork and record keeping of The Red Cross. They received millions, if not billions, after 9-11 and post-Katrina and so much of that money disappeared only later to be found in bonus checks of the then President and other execs of the organization. So spare me. I have faith in Clef more now than ever. You cannot lift and touch the bloated and lifeless bodies of children and babies and not want to do the right thing. He is Haitian. He comes from the same suffering and the same streets and the same spirit of resilience. These are his people. Ayiti! I believe Yelé Haiti will be in Port-Au-Prince, Petit-Goave, Jacmel, et. al long after CNN, The Red Cross, and Bill Clinton have moved on. Now with prayer and supplication I move forward.
The word yéle is actually a Creole word, and the right way to say it is lee-lay. And yéle means to scream. So when I say yéle, it means I’m screaming for freedom. Freedom of the mind. –Wyclef Jean
I was feeling a lil lousy yesterday—tired of the stress of work, feeling overwhelmed and non-motivated, and then I read tweets by a man named Troy who lives in Port Au Prince. He talked of sleeping in his driveway, aftershocks (even one this morning at 4am), having very little food and water and the horrific smell of rotting decomposing bodies on the streets. I realized I have no idea what suffering really is. I realized I needed to immediately snap outta my b.s. funk and get focused. I, no, WE have to be strong, on point and vigilant for those who can’t right now. We can argue and debate all day about the merits of tithing, of not fornicating, of praying at least 6 times a day, but this here my friends, this is our moral responsibility. We have to remain steadfast and spiritually, politically and financially locked-in with those less fortunate. Haiti needs us! So let’s buck-up.
Below are a sampling of tweets and a Facebook post about the earthquake in Haiti and about the people of Haiti that really resonated with me. Check it:
@thehotnessgrrrl: Help Haiti Earthquake Relief Donate $5 by texting YELE to 501501 right now! Let’s make a difference! The organiz behind 501501 text is YeleHaiti- founded by Wyclef Jean. Its LEGIT! Clef has wrkd tirelessly for yrs to help Haiti.
@Ashiya_ANS: CNN.com: Quake had power of several nuclear bombs
@thehotnessgrrrl: Haiti is the size of Maryland, but with over 9 million residents.
@troylivesay: Church groups are singing throughout the city all through the night in prayer. It is a beautiful sound in the middle of a horrible tragedy. (1/13/10 – Troy runs an orphanage in Port Au Prince)
Tahana (Facebook): Thanks to Haiti the U.S. expanded via the Louisiana Purchase. L’Ouverture Toussaint of Haiti is seldom appreciated, but in the age of revolution in America he rose to leadership & intensified & defined the anti-slavery movement, causing Napoleon to sell Louisiana for a song rendering certain the final prohibition of the slave-trade by the US in 1807. (Du Bois, p. 70). We owe Haiti– SO LET’S DONATE!
@dreamhampton – Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing’s going to get better. It’s not. ~The Lorax #seuss
@DiggsWayne – When #ghettoremedies is trending above #Haiti we have a real problem. A real big problem.
@_MAXWELL_ Things have their shape in time, not space alone. Some marble blocks have statues within them, embedded in their future –keithccourtier (Grammy nominated singer whose mom is Haitian)
@RAMhaiti people sent & are waiting in the stadium for medical help and no one is coming. they’re starting to give out water today (1/14/10) (This person owns a hotel in PauP)
@ralphmarston Live every day in awe of the fact that you’re alive.
@ALBDamn I CANT STAND that all the reporting of Haiti being “the poorest nat’n n the westrn hmsphere” w/o any context of Y!!! #ColonialExploitation (1/12/10)
Read novelist Edwidge Danticat’sthoughts on the Earthquake in Haiti. She was born and raised there until the age of 12. Here she talks about the devastation—personal and political.
Not sure how you can help?
Check out Kevin Powell & April Silver’s exhaustive and informative Help Haiti-- a web resource listing legitimate, ground-level organizations like Haitian Women for Haitian Refugees, Lakou New York, and MUDHA (Movement of Dominican Haitian Women) that have longstanding reputations for their support of Haiti:
Last Saturday’s dreary grayness did not stop me and about 100 women from attending NY Open Center’s panel, “From Hottentot Venus To The White House: Black Women On Beauty & Bodies.” The panelists were Veronica Webb (Super+Role Model), Tricia Rose (Chair, Africana Studies @Brown U.), Susan Akkad (SVP Corporate Marketing/Diversity for Estee Lauder) with Michaela angela Davis (Cultural Critic) moderating.
I settled in with style maven Sharon Pendana sitting on my left and Ngozi Odita, founder of Society HAE, on my right. I had seen the flyer for this event weeks before and noticed a glaring theme with the featured panelists, but had hoped the lineup would “diversify” some by the day of event. As I looked up on stage I realized it was as the flyer had suggested. I immediately took out my Blackberry and tweeted: “It looks like u had to pass the brown paper bag test in order to be on this panel. (Panelists) r all very light skinned & ‘good-haired.’” From my discussions with other attendees, I clearly wasn’t the only one disappointed with the very high-yella panel. Afterwards I spoke to Michaela and here’s what she had to say:
Tricia, a former professor of mine, opened up the discussion stating, “I’m very critical of the industrialization of the world of beauty.” Not one to mix words or hold her tongue, Tricia continued by sharing, “I have to selectively reengage with my history or I’ll be like one of those angry 80’s rappers.” She was humorous, insightful and delivered the academic goods– including a detailed history of the life of Saartjie Baartman p.k.a. Hottentot Venus.
After hearing how Saartjie was taken from her home in Africa to England where she was publicly exhibited naked in a cage and then later sold to a French animal trainer who exploited her body and abused her further in Paris, it was ironic and displeasing to then hear Susan Akkad describe her introduction to cosmetics. “I never bought Fashion Fair. My mother told me to go to the French counter for make-up because their men love us.” She is now a SVP at Esteé Lauder. I’m sure Hottentot Venus would be proud.
Veronica, who shared that she was the first Black model to secure a major cosmetics contract, talked about her love of fashion, fashion mags and style. “I like putting together things I love, to attract what I want.” This was a cute sentiment that got a few pleasing ah-ha’s from the audience although it was soon overshadowed by the advice she said she gave her two young daughters who said they’d like to be in the White House like Sasha and Malia: “Maybe you’ll grow up to be President,” which was great. The gaffe was when she followed up with “or maybe if mommy gets married again she’ll marry a President.” Huh?
Tricia, who really was the centrifugal force of the panel talked a bit about women in hip-hop, the subject of her latest book. Even though hiphop has become increasingly less relevant in my life, I was amped by some of the questions Prof. Rose posed: How do we make ourselves beautiful within hip hop– an industry complicit in creating a demand for things and ideals that are damaging to Black women? Another question: “How do we know about Hottentot Venus and not live like that is all we know and can be? To this I would’ve answered Michelle Obama. Crazy thing though, Michelle Obama was never mentioned in the three hour discussion on images of Black women in major media. Suddenly Susan’s joie de vivre for French make-up counters seemed inconsequential. Not talking about the mass mediated image of the 1st Lady, a Black woman with her bare arms standing in front of a portrait of Thomas Jefferson, in a context about Black bodies and resistance was, as we hashtag on Twitter, a #FAIL.
Instead the Q&A centered on the hot topic of the hour– Good Hair. One audience member believed that “Chris Rock served up Black women as a deviant scientific experiment.” Yeah it was like that! Women had strong opinions about the subject and ladies in the house were excited to talk about the movie. Susan responded with what I thought was a damn near profound realization when she said: “Hair is to Black women what weight is to White women.” Then Michaela testified, “You’re only as sick as your secrets,” and encouraged conversation about our painful issues. Many women shouted in agreement. Not only had we gathered in a church, but at that moment we were having church. I think it was a good conversation that unfortunately lasted too long. Considering all of the panelists, except for maybe Susan, had what Black folks deem good hair and therefore could not fully understand or articulate the pain, shame, and anxiety many women internalize and young girls feel who have “kinky” hair, and considering that half the panel had not even seen the flick, we should have moved on to other subjects (i.e. Michelle Obama). When Tricia half jokingly suggested we petition Oprah to charter a plane from Bed-Stuy to Mumbai so all the sisters buying weaves can do so directly straight off the heads of impoverished Desi women who ritually sacrifice it for nada except a blessing, I think it was a good laugh that signaled the end of any further critical thinking of Chris Rock and his documedy. Personally, I’ve been to so many panels like this and even wrote my college thesis (“From Hottentot to Hip Hop”) on the subject more than 10 years ago so I was definitely looking forward to and in need of a more timely conversation to get my wig blown back. One that went beyond Chris Rock, hip-hop and Azzedine Alaia to involve a discussion of Michelle Obama, Caster Semanya and even Gabourey Sidibe, the star of the much talked about film, Precious. The space that these three women, these three Black bodies take up and hold in pop culture is groundbreaking and how they resist and revise racism, sexism, and patriarchy is crazy interesting. I definitely was disappointed, but so grateful for the community of sisters that I connected with that day. I left meditating on two quotes that resonated with me and my desire to engage women in work that is socially transformative and empowering. The first: “Many of us look for love, but will settle for attention,” said by Michaela. And Tricia shut it down when she stated, “It’s not just about accepting love, but we have to be willing to give each other transformational love. And then we have to be prepared to be ignored.”
For those that attended this panel, I’m curious to hear your thoughts. Hollaback and post a comment. Everyone else please tell me what you think about the post and how we can have more transformative dialogues about our beauty, our booty and ourselves.
I’ve had a press & curl, box braids, a relaxer, a texturizer, an afro, Bantu-knots and now I’m rocking long cornrows– $20 synthetic hair in the back and real afro-kinky hair for bangs. I know about Black hair– the good, the bad and the ugly. My hair has been two inches short and about 10 inches at its longest. I cut it, tease it, straighten it, extend it and twist it. For me hair is adventure and accessory, but clearly I may be in the minority after reading and hearing the rage from Black women over Good Hair.
Last week I went to see Chris Rock’s documedy for myself and found it funny, insightful, superficial and disturbing all at once. It was already clear to me from watching his segment with Oprah that Chris’ issues with Black women and our hair are kinda deep. His amazement and delight with being able to run through Ms. Winfrey’s weave-free coif was akin to my seven-year old niece’s fascination when combing the silky strands of her Dora doll or better yet, like this white woman’s curiosity with my long knotty dreadlocks five years ago. Clearly Chris needs to get out of Alpine a lil’ more often. But that’s Chris Rock’s shtick: In-the-pocket-going-outta-bounds. He’s totally hilarious one minute then forgets himself (and his audience) and tends to go way left. You do remember what he said about Michelle Obama in Kill The Messenger?
I don’t know what people expected from Chris Rock’s gander at why some Black women spend thousands of dollars on weaves and have to have the “creamy crack” every four weeks. Nah, I take that back. I do know what they expected. Black women who say that Chris Rock has made a mockery of Black women, has disparaged the Black race and is celebrating rape, clearly must have forgotten that Chris Rock is the same Negro whose most memorable, if not outstanding, role in Black Americana is playing a crackhead named Pookie. Chris Rock is no Dick Gregory, heesh he ain’t even as political as Ellen DeGeneres and she’s a judge on American Idol. Going in to see the movie I thought Pookie’s gonna separate the Yaki-Yaki from the Afro-Kinky and I hope it’ll be funny. I was not looking for enlightenment, inspiration, empowerment or exegesis. And before I continue, let me share that when I was eight, maybe even nine years old I would take my Baby Alive mint green baby blankey and tie it around my head and pretend I was Cher, Irene Cara or whoever had the long good-hair ponytail at the moment. So I know first hand about the desire and the beauty standards that oppress and confused Chris Rock’s daughters and so many young Black girls the world over, but I also know not to get my medical prescriptions filled at the local Laundromat. I understand there is a history of slavery, Black Power movements and discrimination that has defined Black (self) love, but never did I presume Chris Rock would be all bell hooks on that subject. And quiet as it’s kept I did not want him to go there. Just like I don’t want Tyler Perry to go there with “For Colored Girls”. Comedians need to stay in their lane. And yeah, I know, white people are buying tix to see Good Hair and now our bidness is on the streets. SO WHAT?!? Our bidness been on the street. Have you seen Frankie & Neffe or Meet The Browns? Guess what? More non-Blacks are watching these Stepin Fetchit scenarios of Black life than viewing Good Hair. Believe that and be mad at that!
3 Reasons (if you must) Be Mad at Good Hair:
1.) For not interviewing his wife Malaak who wears a major weave or his daughters whose images are throughout the doc. Let’s see and hear from your original inspirations.
2.) For those way too long scenes in the barbershop.
3.) For wasting so much film and my precious time on the uber boring, coon-atrics of the Bronner Brothers Hair Show.
3 Reasons To Not Be Mad:
1.) We already know this is good hair!!! (Thanks dream!)
2.) For his look at the hair trade in India and the scenes of girls getting their waist length hair shaved off as a sacrifice to God.
3.) If you weren’t outraged at Ken Burns’ foray into jazz– a quintessential Black art form, then lay off of Pookie. If it’s intolerable for a man to talk about woman’s hair, then surely it must be just as reprehensible for a white man to discuss Coltrane. Sounds kinda ridiculous? It kinda is.
I have come to believe… that what is important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” –Audre Lorde
Rebooted. Re-ignited. Revised and Re-visioned. After a sorely needed hiatus and also some much needed retooling, theHotness is back, baby!
On March 31, 2000 I launched theHotness in the form of an e-newsletter that “celebrated the creativity, ingenuity and straight-up flava of women of color.” So much has changed since then, but some things– those authentic things, never change. In that issue we featured Amel Larrieux and Jill Scott, two singers that are still giving us music that inspires, engages and incites our senses. So it is with theHotness. Fire then, fiya now.
Fusing original features like our exclusive interviews and book reviews with newer elements— a blog, social networking through Facebook and exclusive video footage, theHotness is as opinionated, smart, funny, complicated, defiant, deep, aware, sexy, strong, and passionate as ever!
STEREOPHONIC features the freshest and funkiest young women in music; HOT GRRRLS profiles multi-culti dames breaking stereotypes and raising the bar in business, politics, media and the arts; go inside the homes of our favorite Hot Grrrls in PAD; for hot products and fly gadgets check BOOTY; and get my uncensored, unabashed point of view in REAL TALK. I’m laying it all out on the line here and want so much for theHotness to be another face of feminism that is nuanced, hip, accessible, and edgy like Erykah, Nina, Chaka, Mary, MIA, and Serena; like Zora, Octavia, Alice, Toni, Frida, and of course Michelle.
theHotness 2.0– the cipher space for cutting-edge, groundbreaking, artistically fresh multi-culti dames who revel in being rebels and use passion and individuality as their weapons of mass construction.
I guess it was yesterday or maybe Wednesday when singer, Solange Knowles was snapped by paparazzi rocking a very short-cropped coif. And before this young mama could get back home, the Web was a’buzz about her buzzed cut. Of course the haters had their Yaki Platinums in a knot over the do saying she and others are allegedly biting “the bald look” of Kanye’s ex Amber Rose. And those were the sweet comments. Other bloggers and the like called her ugly, butch, and alleged that she was having a nervous breakdown ala Britney Spears. I’m always surprised by the drama that hair or the lack thereof creates in chocolate ciphers. It actually seems more of a spectacle than ever, which is surprising in this alleged post-Black era. And even more startling in this post-Badu era.
Erykah has had long lock extensions, a massive cloud of an afro, braids, and even a straight punked out shag– all wigs and non-permanent. The one style that I know was real was her beautiful baldy. Yes, Badu made a few people squirm with her numerous looks, but in the end we love her because of her killa style not inspite of it. So I thought we had moved on past the Happy-To-Be-Nappy backlash. Well apparently not. Comments about Skip Gates’ arresting officer (heck about Skip too) were more genteel than the rants I read about Solange and her lo’ fro. Clearly not interested in being the reticent media darling that her sister has become, Solange gave the finger virtually by posting a smart, self-determined response to her critics on her Twitter page:
ive. had. my. hair. cut. like. this. for. two. weeks. i. was. NOT. inspired. by anyone. but. my. self. i. have. done. this. twice. in. my. life. i. was 16. i was 18. did. not care about your opinion. then. dont. care. now. dont. need. your. attention. or. your. co-sign. i am #3. trending topic. before. IRAN. &. some of you cant even locate it on a map. its sad. dont. want. a. edge. up. or a perm. because. im not trying. to make this “a style” or a statement. i. just. wanted. to. be. free. from. the. bondage. that. black. women sometimes. put. on. themselves. with. hair. this. phase. of. my. life. i. want to spend . the time. the energy. and the money. on something else. not in the hair salon. m. not. mad. at . all of you. that have made your opinions known. and have sent negative. energy. my way. i expected this of you. ONLY reason i responded to this i have is because i was disappointed to see my name more talked about then #iranelection we. gotta. do. better. people.
I read this and immediately clicked the “Follow” button to make my respect and love official. I mean I had her CD and was digging “T.O.N.Y” and “Would’ve Been The One,” but there’s nothing like finding out a woman is a bad mamajama that doesn’t give two dabs of Afro-Sheen about the opinions of others. I just interviewed India.Arie for Heart & Soul mag and she echoed similar sentiments:
I never thought I would like having short hair, but when I did cut my locks I felt free. It was a very valuable experience, especially as a Black woman, because we just don’t tend to think short hair is cute.
This bald banter is just a vacuous crater that ironically is brimming full of notions linked to beauty, race and sexuality that can be traced back to slavery. Like why when Amber Rose, an exotic, eurocentric-looking woman, sports the cut it’s considered sexy, trendy even, but when MeShell NdegeOcello (who’s been rocking that cut for a good decade now) does the same, she is marginalized? Hint: it’s tied to sexuality and race– House Negro vs. Field Negro.
Secondly, and this is small in the whole scheme of things but totally irksome to me: the styles that Cassie and Rihanna are wearing should not be classified as bald. Their sides are shaved low. Nada mas! Media and mainstream heads always trying to make cute grrrls more radical than should be.
Bald, Black, and beautiful is Sheila Bridges, Nnenna Agba, Grace Jones and previous to 2008– Tamarkali. Plenty of my homegrrrls rock the same look and they are not making a statement or trying to push a new record or makeup line. They are reveling in who they are and enjoying the freedom of hassle free hair—humidity and flat irons be damned. So can we move on and use our energy to analyze something a lil more interesting like this.
Props to Bilqis M., Karen H., Alec Wek, Roshumba, Bethann H. , Moikgantsi N., Penni, Elayne F., Laini M. and Bashir for keeping it low and drama free!
Off of Fulfillingness’ First Finale, “They Won’t Go When I Go” is, for me, one of Stevie Wonder’s best and most moving songs. Hearing it sung at MJ’s Memorial was nothing short of pure genius. Following “I Never Dreamed You’d Leave in Summer” (which ironically was featured in Poetic Justice with a young, grieving Janet Jackson), with this here song singing: No more lying friends/ Wanting tragic ends/ Though they do pretend/ They won’t go when I go/ The greed of man/ Far away from me/ And my soul will be free/ They won’t go when I go, Stevie in so many ways affirmed, reclaimed and gave (poetic) release to MJ’s aching soul. A beautiful indictment of MJ’s haters– it was the perfect song poignantly capturing the heartbreak and liberation that is Death, leaving me with goose bumps on top of goosebumps.
Okay well I’m not really Sonia Sotomayor, but I can identify with the 54-year old judge who is poised to become the Supreme Court’s first Hispanic justice and only its third woman. Firstly, she’s a Boriquena from the Bronx (my hometown) who went to Cardinal Spelman H.S.Supported solely by the wages of her single mom she went on to attend Princeton and then Yale Law where she served as Editor of their Law Review. And yeah she may be Ivy-League educated, but something tells me she still appreciates the sabór of a simple bowl of rice and beans over foie gras any day.If confirmed by the Senate, Judge Sotomayor would succeed retiring Justice David Souter and would join Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg as the second woman on the current court.
And of course the GOP is in a tizzy over the whole affair.It seems the following comments made by Judge Sotomayor in the past has them very tight. “Our experiences as women and people of color affect our decisions. I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”
Aware of the backlash she could get and did get she further states, “Court of appeals is where policy is made. I know this is on tape and I should never say that, because we don’t make law.”
It’s funny how they cannot stand for, never mind understand, that a woman of color recognizes the role her ethnicity and femaleness, if you will, play when discernment and perspective are required.Rush Limbaugh and the rest of his cohorts have their Fruit of The Loom in a twisted jumble because of identity politics? Gimme a freakin break! These guys have been using their whiteness and their maleness for decades to filter, interpret and enact Law. When analyzing constitutional issues it is necessary to be fair, objective and unbiased, but it is also just as necessary to be understanding, culturally educated and inspired.I thought the practice of Law was connected to activism– Roe v. Wade, Miranda v. Arizona, Brown v. Board of Education.Now to see much of what I loved about the history of this profession devolve into an idle medium of major corporate firms moving major paper with the brightest moments being Law & Order episodes, Judge Judy letting them have it and the testimony about the pubes on Clarence Thomas’ Coke can, well it’s quite disheartening. I am excited by President Obama’s selection. I’m sure Thurgood Marshall must be smiling now.
